Location: Vienna, Virginia, United States

A graduate of Dartmouth College (2005) and Washington and Lee University School of Law (2010). These are my personal blogs, and the musings expressed on them do not reflect the positions of my employer. They do reflect my readings, thoughts, and aspirations, which I figure is good enough.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Pet Peeve

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've realized that poledancers really piss me off.

It's simply too irritating when you get on the DC Metro after a day's work and someone is bogarting the pole, straddling the damn thing like they wanted to make love to it, often wrapping their entire bodies around it when the train jerks or stops or starts, making you stand awkwardly in the crowded aisle, praying that the train doesn't come to a lurching halt and force you into unwanted contact with a fellow Metro rider.

I don't know if poledancers are endemic to the DC Metro system, but it's the only place I've noticed them. It's always the same type of person too, working the pole.

It's always some 40-something WASP-y lawyer. They're on the train, with their patent leather briefcase (usually dark brown) between their Italian dress shoes, which are positioned oh-so-neatly to either side of the pole. Both of their hands are wrapped around the pole, and often, they lean against it like their legs are made of jelly. Once, I saw someone leaning against the pole with their torso, deftly working their Blackberry with both arms coming together around the pole. No matter what method they use though, this pretty much prevents anyone else on the train from using the pole for its intended purpose.

There is a solution to this though, and if everyone participates, we may be able to put an end to this odious practice, with minimal cost to the everday taxpayer (albeit some slight personal sacrifice).

The next time you are on the Metro and see one of these individuals, get their attention in a not-so-surreptitious manner. Whoop like you're riding a bucking bronco, and leer at them with a winking eye. When you definitely have their attention, pull out your wallet and attempt to maintain eye-contact as you try to tuck a dollar bill into their belt.

If they don't get the hint, some verbal prompting may be required.

"You know, I know some girls who would kill to be able to work the pole like you do."

Perhaps even some admonishment.

"Sir, the DC Metro is not a Gentleman's Club, as it does not have a valid liquor license. If you want to continue your gyrations, please find an establishment of ill-repute where you can ply your wares."

I hope that one day, we will be able to get on the Metro and not be confronted by poledancers, and we can ride the train in relative peace, with one hand on the pole for support, as our Lord and Maker intended.


Blogger Sooze said...

hilarious stuff and so very accurate with any city's metro system.

10:42 AM  

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