Location: Vienna, Virginia, United States

A graduate of Dartmouth College (2005) and Washington and Lee University School of Law (2010). These are my personal blogs, and the musings expressed on them do not reflect the positions of my employer. They do reflect my readings, thoughts, and aspirations, which I figure is good enough.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Oh No He Di-int

A couple of random notes. This is what happens when you Google yourself.
First, I was pleased to find out that my name appears in an old (relatively) McSweeney's Internet Tendancy mailbag. Question and answer below and in the link about halfway down.

Great post on NES characters and fantasy baseball. A question, though: Does Mega Man get to summon Rush when he's playing center?

Will Li

Mega Man has a BFF clause in his contract (like Jack and Craig Wilson), so that if he gets traded, the robo-canine goes with him. But that's as far as his assistance goes. If you start letting one player bring a significant other onto the field, soon you'll have all the players taking advantage.

Jose Lima will put his wife next to him on the mound, frustrating batters with the unexplainable fact that she married him. People will be striking out on purpose so they don't have to converse with Anna Benson, strategically placed near first base. Pedro's Little Friend will be biting everyone. Mike Piazza's leather-clad posse from the Blue Oyster will just stand around, making everyone feel weird.

It'll be total anarchy. And ticket sales will go through the roof!


This is not me. I do not like seeing my name appear on an "Asian Professionals in Washington DC area" dating/networking/whatever the hell it is list. It makes me think I've gone insane and that I have some kind of multiple personality disorder that manifests itself on the internet and tries to make me get out more. I do need to get out more, but not through "Asian Professionals" networking.

Moreover, I was here first, dammit. This happened at Dartmouth too. I was the only William Li there, and then Sophomore year some engineering student named William Li came and made things all pear-shaped for awhile, jumbling our emails and whatnot. One of his friends even called me to try to take me hiking.

Now see here, "William Li in DC," since I have seniority, at least when it comes to residency in the Greater DC area, I demand that you start referring to yourself differently. Maybe change your name to Seamus. There aren't too many Asians named Seamus. A Google search only reveals one person with that name and I think he's in Hong Kong.

If I go to law school, or graduate and go to work for a law firm where there is a William Li (there is one) and find that I will be entering the territory of another William Li, then I will change my name. To Satchmo, since that's been a nickname since High School (only among a select few).

With this resolution, I am proposing a set of unwritten rules for the thousands of William Li's in this world.

1) There may be only one William Li in a workplace. Seniority rules here, even if the new employee is hired to a more senior level position.

2) There may be several William Li's in a city, but if any confusion arises (as per William Li in DC), these individuals must then either

a) fight to the death, preferably utilizing broadswords, beheadings and as many "Highlander" references as can be stomached.
b) change their names. If the senior William Li is sadistic, he may propose an embarrassing name. However, he should be forewarned that what goes around comes around.
c) append a suffix to their names to further clarify their identity (i.e. William Li of Rosslyn). Alternate suffixes will be permitted (for example, William Li Von Ronsenburg), but may result in public derision.

3) It is allowed for William Li's to communicate, as it will not, as some have speculated, result in combustion that results from the meeting of positive and negative energies. However, they are prohibited from using their similar names for ill - including but not exclusive to

a) killing their significant others in a Hitchcock-ian plot
b) forming a gang of thieves or criminal cartel (the utilization of the term "Asian Persuasion" as the name of this group shall be punishable by extreme cruel and unusual punishment.

4) Under no circumstance will any William Li in this world name their male child William Li Jr., lest they perpetuate this annoying cycle of misidentification. While names shall not be as outlandish as "Landocalrissian," unique names are encouraged.

This petition should be implemented posthaste, to prevent further confusion and awkwardness. And fears that I have some form of schizophrenia. I do not. That I know of.


Blogger Sharon said...

Why don't you just a middle initial or two? There are 2 other SZs out there! One works at motorola and another is an acupuncturist in New York or something.

1:26 AM  
Blogger Will said...

Never, ever Google yourself. You won't like the results, especially if you use the "Blog Search."

And yes, I can teach you the gyroball.

Will "Li" Carroll

5:01 PM  
Blogger Satchmo said...

Good points, all.

Now if I can find someone who can teach me to play the dobro like Jerry Douglas, my life will be complete.

5:08 PM  
Blogger William Li said...

Hey, William!

I would have responded sooner, but I was writing my case note and thought that I would die (only sort of joking about that, if you are asked to join a law journal when you get into law school, make sure that you give yourself as easy a course load as possible when its time to write your casenote. I know you are thinking "I wrote plenty of big papers English Lit at Dartmouth" because I thought "I wrote plenty of big Philosophy of the Mind papers are Rice". You have no idea.)

I see that you are enjoy your post-college identity funk quite lustily. Now you know how I felt when I came across you and your brilliant rhetoric. Anyhow, I recommend that you head the words of Nietzsche and expand your self-realization and become the superman. Remember: the More William Li, the Greater William Li

8:07 PM  

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