Location: Vienna, Virginia, United States

A graduate of Dartmouth College (2005) and Washington and Lee University School of Law (2010). These are my personal blogs, and the musings expressed on them do not reflect the positions of my employer. They do reflect my readings, thoughts, and aspirations, which I figure is good enough.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Lenny Bruce is Not Afraid

Two signs of the coming apocalypse/alien-invasion/government denies involvement/national attention STILL focused on some bimbo's wardrobe malfunction.

First, there's a bright side to every story. Even the Greenhouse Effect and global warming. Because thanks to the CO2 cloud that is gradually enveloping our atmosphere, we might have a seaway connecting Russia and Canada.

This is WONDERFUL news!! This means that the marajauna and ecstasy for vodka barter industry will be facilitated ten-fold. If drunk Russians weren't bad enough, soon we'll have more drunk, stoned Russians than what we know what to do with.

In all seriousness, they are talking about using it as a legitimate trade route up North, as it would cut thousands of miles off sea-based trade. This includes, but is not exclusive to, "phosphates, ores, petroleum products, fertilizer and agricultural machinery." Yes, the wonderful tools of industry and the machine age. The same tools that are RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GLOBAL WARMING IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Let me get this straight (like Bering Strait, get it?).

Because of Global Warming, Canada and Russia can increase the oil consumption and volume of potential pollutants being used in their countries? Words fail me.

But fear not.

For right out of your neighborhood X-File, Black oil, or something very similar to it, has been found on the International Space Station. Only news
so far is that it is of "unexplained origins". The source was most likely oil expelled through a vent on the station. Yes, a likely story. I also enjoy the part about the "Russian experts" investigating the source of the spot.

What's the number for the Lone Gunmen again?

Oh well. Our new alien overlords will probably be better than the Bush administration anyway.


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